He abused me in a way that no one would imagine.

I was bullied for being too #sensitive.
I was bullied for being too #vulnerable for being too honest, too kind.
And I started building up #walls.
I started #guarding my self.
I started not allowing people into my life.
Not because I am looking at them and thinking “ you might hurt me “ But because I honestly believe that I did not deserve welcomed into other people’s lives.

I met someone for the first time in my life who made me feel like I was worthy of being loved, who made me feel seen. I Was looking to feel heard and this person heard me.
This Was the person that I want to spend the rest of life that’s how I saw it. But I couldn’t imagine my life without that person.

Until one day when he, like everyone and everything in my life, chose to walk away. And I could not make sense of it.

What did I do?

I went back to that 16-year-old who blamed himself.
He walked away because of who you are.
He walked away because those things that you always thought were ugly and unworthy about you are still there.
So I might get a little emotional here.

One night, during one of my hardest times, my mom pulls up a picture of me when I was this small like 14 years old. I was holding her hand tightly and she said when I was holding your hand in that picture, I looked in your eyes and I thought “this boy is going places“. And when I look at you now, I don’t see that look in your eyes.”

So I went to my room last night and I looked in the mirror and she was right.
I was looking at a person that no longer resembled me.
I looked,

And I described this before the same way, like a sky choking on clouds.
Not knowing whether to rain or be sunny or be clear.
I looked like I was choking

And at that moment, I decided not to give up on myself now like I give up on myself when I was 16.
This time, I wrote.
I wrote about my pain.
I wrote about it and as hard as it was,
It healed me.
The deeper I went into my pain, the higher I rose in courage.
The higher I rose in pride of who I am,
Being Proud of who I am.
Turning my pain into something beautiful,
Turning into nectar instead of turning it into bitterness or coldness.

That has given me so much conviction in the fact that our world needs more people who are not afraid to be human. Not Afraid to be vulnerable.
Not afraid to show who they are. Not afraid to take risks.
Not afraid to stand in front of the world and raise their voice and say,
“ This is happening to me and this is how I Overcame it “

And one of the biggest things, the biggest courageous decision I had to make was to stand in the face of the person who oppressed me, with everybody who gave him the right to oppress me and say, “No, I did not deserve this.
This should never happen to me “

And when I do that, I tell every one of you who read this and listens to me,

“ Anything that is not right that happens to you, is not right “.
Regardless of who says, “ You deserved it “
“ You Asked for it “

Or I don’t know whether I should believe you or not “

You lived your story Just like everyone living their story and I Stood in their faces and I said
“ This happened to me “
You don’t have the right to take away my story from me “
Because when you do that you re taking away that new person I am becoming.
So I will end with this
That man used to tell me, who do you think you are?
I Say
I am my own soul
I am a hero.
I am a fighter, and I am a champion.

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