Today, a very close and dear friend of mine asked me a very relevant question-“Why men have less Emotional Quotient?” I think she wanted to tell me – “Women’s, in general, have better Emotional Quotient than men”? I had to agree because I had no other option. After our conversation was over, I started thinking, is it exactly how it is? And if so, then why is it so? Scientifically, this is not possible. Because the Emotional Quotient (Encephalization Quotient or encephalization level) means “The ratio between actual brain mass and predicated brain mass for an animal of a given size, which is hypothesized to be a rough estimate of the intelligence on recognition of the animal.”
On average, this must be almost equal for men and women. Then, what might be the reason? Well, as we will explore, we will start a delightful discussion that will convert into an engaging article about the importance of Emotional Quotient in males.
Are all these just perceptions? Scientifically as per the above explanation, the answer must be yes. But, I was not wholly convinced. At that point, I came across the term “Emotional Intelligence.” It has been defined as “The capacity for recognizing our feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, for managing emotions well in ourselves and our relationship” by Mr. Daniel Goldman in his book Emotional Intelligence (publisher Bantam books). With another scientific fact, men use the left side of their brain (Cognitive zone), and women use the right side of their brain (emotion zone). We could understand one of the root causes of the problem. If I am not wrong, she wants to say that man has less emotional intelligence. But is that true?
- Men’s expressions of emotions are confusing and contradictory – even sometimes for themselves.
- People’s conception – men do not have feelings.
- The actual problem is – women want men to understand and express feelings as they do.
- But, it is easier for men to handle particular situations with much ease than emotional conditions. The fact is men struggle to compile their own emotions. So, we can imagine how hard it would be for a guy to understand other’s feelings.
These are the dialogues men listen continuously while growing up from parents, neighbors, siblings, and friends. They develop the concept that is a public display of emotions is a sign of weakness. And in the process, he tries to improve his technique of controlling and subduing his feelings.
He mostly tries to express his feelings through alternate ways, like only being present around, or doing something very usual with the conception, his loved ones would understand and appreciate his love.
Let us consider a situation – a family of four – father, mother, a daughter, and a son. If something happens to one of the parents, is it that the boy does not feel hurt or sad or depressed. If the answer is yes – then the whole discussion is over. They both felt emotional trauma, but the difference is in the way they express outwardly and react to the given situation.
When you develop the art of expressing your feelings with ease with someone, your relationship becomes more intimate. Women are in general experts in this case. They could strike that emotional chord with a lot more conviction than men do. Be it with father, mother, siblings, friends, subordinates, and so on.
The flip side of it is also beautiful
If you go through a bad patch in a relationship or breakup or losing someone close and you are capable of expressing your minute to minute feelings, you live through it quickly by understanding all the aspects in detail. But if you can’t, then you would require a very long period to overcome such a situation. You may even spoil the case for yourself and others.
- Another angle – I think is that – since the beginning of human evolution. Men’s norms are such that require them to spend more time outside the home. They get less time to build – up an intimate relationship with family members. Whereas women had that opportunity while staying at home, and they polished their skill more prominently. Coming back to boys – due to lack of intimate and given the nature of work, they opt to remain silent when they come back home. Over some time, men’s system started working in that way and gradually became a part of their character.
- It is a scientific fact that, on average, the vocabulary of women is almost twice that of men. Also, as a result of the evolution process and explained above, only a partial part of men’s biological activity system works after evening or after the sunset. But, for women 24/7, it had been the same for her. She was expected to handle more people of all ages more intimately, understanding their feelings and emotions. And also vis-a-vis expressing her feelings and emotions at all levels and that too at a higher frequency.
- All these situations resulted in the way men and women express the same feelings and emotions in such unexpectedly different ways.
Pair in Love
A simple example could be a pair in love. The expectations of a woman and the way she expresses is different. A small gift, few words of appreciation, trying to understand her feelings, and connecting with her at an emotional level, listening to her patiently and responding positively, is few of the things she wants. In other words, she wants to connect with her man at the emotional level. Talking of a man, touching, holding her hands, hugging, kissing, and having sex are his way of expressing his love.
I know we can argue day and night over weeks. But, In Conclusion, I will say that – it is high time men put effort into learning to express themselves the way women want them. And women discover to help men overcome the perception and taboos that make it difficult for him to express his feelings and emotions better. With a bit of effort from both sides, we can make our relationship more intimate. In such a relationship, respect and love for each other rules, instead of complaining and confusion.
Bappaditya is a philosopher, fighter, poet, and MBA from Andaman and Nicobar Islands. Founder of a coaching center, as he feels that education is the best gift one can give to their generations.