Hi friends,
Everyone has a story that’s special and quite close to their heart…here’s one story that’s quite close to my heart too… this story is about a close friend of mine… she wants to share a message with you all…This is a message that comes straight from her heart just for you… So without much ado, come on with me & let’s read the story!!
This story starts at the time when my dear friend Amaya* got married… Before her marriage, Amaya was a shy, urban-bred, loved & protected, family-oriented, educated, and cultured young Indian girl with a slightly conservative background in every sense of the word… With the passage of time, Amaya’s parents got her married to a young boy in a good, decent, and established family in the larger metropolitan Indian city…
AMAYA’S MARRIAGE:
So at the time when she met her fiancé, it was an extremely happy moment for her… she had met the man of her (and her parents’ dreams). Her husband-to-be was indeed a unique gem, handsome & charming in his ways and gifted with a caring disposition, so rare to find these days… in the few days (pre-nuptial time) that she lived with him, she felt so satisfied to be in his company, in no time she decided to dedicate her life to him… To Amaya it seemed like a perfect decision for any young girl of her age… after all, this is the upbringing that we receive from our parents… Amaya too, from an early age, had been nourished with values of life that were truly wholesome & rounded in every way… and one thing she always knew was, these values would help her to complete her journey of marriage and of her life in a truly beautiful way!!
And so Amaya got married… her wedding was indeed a dream-like event…she was quite excited and very much delighted to live in her new house, with her new parents (she calls her in-laws, her parents,) and with her husband… she really looked forward and she was reciprocated equally with love and with a sense of belongingness by them… Amaya was extremely lucky in this way!!
But life never stops to surprise one… one such surprise was waiting in Amaya’s life too…
At this point, one would wonder what could be the surprise in the story. Friends, the story has a bit of a twist over here… because this story started with a happy-go-lucky angle to it…beginning with a beautiful girl falling in love with a handsome boy, they are married and its happily ever after… but my dear friends, the happily-ever-after happens in fairy-tales, but sadly it does not happen in real-life tales… Amaya’s story is a real-life story, with real feelings, real emotions, and real-life situations…
LACK OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY IN AMAYA’S MARRIAGE:
Last week Vinita, one of Amaya’s friends at the Yoga healing group met Amaya & her husband… everyone in her group was talking about how they met their respective husband or their wife… Amaya was quite excited to share her experience with everyone… She said that in the year 2015, she went to Delhi for an exhibition… it was at this exhibition that she met her husband, fell in love, sent a proposal, and got married to him… “For me, it was a love marriage”, she said… Now the same question was asked to her husband, “for me, it was an arranged marriage,” he said… upon hearing this everyone was quite surprised, but Amaya was not…this was indeed the harsh reality of their married life…☹
SO WHAT WENT AMISS IN AMAYA’S MARRIAGE?
So when the marriage happened in Amaya’s life and when the time came for her love for her husband to really blossom, there was resentment from the husband’s side. The romantic and sensual part of Amaya’s expression of her love for him is met with a continuous cold shoulder. Amaya could see care and love for her him, but she couldn’t feel it…Sexual intimacy was simply amiss in their married life, creating a huge vacuum in Amaya’s life. Suddenly, all her dreams that were related to her marriage simply shattered & it started to pierce her happiness like broken pieces of glass! The word bonding, love, relationship, intimacy & companionship fell apart and became a meaningless part of Amaya’s life… a storm of isolation hit Amaya’s ship, causing her to drift away and away from the anchor of faith, hope, and optimism that was the foundation of her marriage… her sense of confusion was deep, so much so that it finally caused her boat to hit the rock bottom…
Amaya was soon in a state of depression, she stayed in low feeling and she was always surrounded by a general lack of direction in her life…
But Amaya didn’t believe in blaming her husband. Instead, she sought to find out what was the reason behind this strange transition… unintentionally, the husband was asexual, so though he was married to Amaya and shared an emotional bond with her, yet there wasn’t any scope for him to connect with her on a level that was even close to sexual, intimate or physical in any way… Amaya was caught in a sexless marriage, so to say…
Years & years passed, but Amaya could not consummate her marriage… in a way, everything was perfect in Amaya’s married life, but still, nothing was. Indeed, this was the sad reality of her life…yes, Amaya’s marriage was lacking in the sexual and physical intimacy which is the rock foundation for any marriage in today’s day and age…
SETTING THE WRONG INTO RIGHT – AMAYA’S EFFORTS IN HER MARRIAGE:
For Amaya & her husband, sailing through such tough waters has been one of their difficult journeys so far… but they have not lost hope…After undergoing a terrible phase of depression & anxiety, Amaya learned to motivate herself to speak out, to communicate, and to reach out to make a difference in their married life… It’s been one and half years, Amaya has helped her husband to seek medical & psychological aid… apart from that, she has been a wonderful friend, a guide and a supportive person to her husband, during his most testing times too…
I am happy to tell you that Amaya & her husband have recently celebrated their sixth wedding anniversary, a beautiful achievement of bonding together…
Friends, it is the reality that physical & sexual love, relationship, and intimacy are the rock foundations of any marriage, if that itself is shaky, it can topple our entire life … but it is also true that once we learn to accept and embrace the imperfections of our life, and truly work on them, faith can truly replace doubt in no time…
Amaya’s faith has truly created miracles in her life… she had started to view her marriage from a different angle, thereby helping her husband to come out of his inhibitions in a step-by-step and supportive way… Amaya has surely come a long way… through my story, I wish to dedicate a prayer to fulfill her life in every way…
Friends, this is the message from Amaya to you:
“In the storm of life… keep the faith as your anchor and you will surely find yourself sailing through to the safety of the shores sooner or later and in a beautiful way.”
Love & luck always, Amaya.
*Name changed for privacy
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