Almost everybody I know is dealing with an old and ailing parent. The ailments vary. As does the parent’s age. From Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s to Cancer and Dementia. Even Brain Stroke. And Paralysis. Some have it worse than others. Their parent is bedridden. Or hospitalized. And only when you are the caregiver to a bedridden parent, and have to help them with their bath and toilet every day, do you understand what a distressing and exhausting 24-hour duty this is. It is one of the saddest responsibilities thrust on any daughter or son. I would not wish it on anyone.
I came close to it. My mother, who is 90, has Dementia. If that was not grim enough, she is in the habit of self-inflicting injury on herself. When unobserved, she scratches her itching ankles to the bone and leaves the blood and dead skin lying on the floor. Mother is also Diabetic. So the sugar in her blood attracts thousands of ants. She is also forgetful. Does not remember the day and date. Or even a year. And that she needs to use the restroom. Her mind wanders to people and events I know nothing about. And she is often argumentative, stubborn, and aggressive. Doesn’t sleep at night.
I have been looking after Mother since the start of Covid. Three years of doing this and putting my own life on hold almost broke me. That’s when I learned that often the caregiver has to be treated for Depression. People with good intentions advised me to put her into a home. Where she would get the professional help and care she required. And I the respite I was crying for. It broke my heart. But in despair, I almost agreed. And made several calls to institutions like these. Till a friend who lost his Mother recently to a host of comorbidities told me with a break in his voice and a tear in his eye, “Be thankful that you still have your Mother.”
I now have a daycare attendant looking after Mother. This has given me breathing space and time to do my own thing. And I realized how important it was for the caregiver to take care of themselves first. My dear friend Dr. Kersi Chavda, the top-drawer psychiatrist who has dealt with hundreds of cases like mine, gave me the best advice: “When dealing with a parent who has Dementia, try not to lose your temper. That will make your parent more anxious. Anger is not a solution. Work around it. Be kind. Ensure routine in their day. The change will only cause confusion. And don’t ever give up hope.”
I have friends whose parents have Dementia and are bedridden. Or in a wheelchair. In diapers. Who has Cancer and are slowly dying. Who has Alzheimer’s and wander off on their own. Who have Parkinson’s and have lost control of their bodily functions. Their lives are in blackness. India has a huge aging problem. It is what it is. But nobody, not a single person, has given up on their parent and abandoned them. And then there are people like the Juhu tutor currently in the news for brutally beating his old Mother to death with a baseball bat over a property dispute and leaving her body in the Matheran Valley. Sometimes I think there is no God.
About Mark Manuel
The above thoughts/content has been proudly copied from the wall of Sir Mark Manuel. Being interviewing almost every role model of this country and going stronger each day. Mark Manuel is a respected Mumbai editor, writer, and columnist.
With over three decades of journalism in leading publications. This includes the Free Press Journal, Times, Dainik Bhaskar, Mid-Day, and Afternoon. He is famous for his brilliant pen interviews. He himself is a TEDx speaker.
Further
His interviews have been featured in several leading media houses. They include the Hindustan Times, Huffington Post, BBC, and Network 18. Almost every famous person has been interviewed by him in the country from Mother Teresa to Muhammad Ali. His first book is just out. It’s titled Moryaa Re! It is a crime thriller that is perhaps the country’s first police procedural. He began his career covering crime. And in a tribute to his experience and knowledge of this beat.
Several distinguished officers of the Mumbai Police and its Crime Branch collaborated with him to make this book possible. Amitabh Bachchan wrote the forward in a statement of friendship for Mark Manuel and admiration for his work.
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